Friday, November 29, 2013
Rare Concert Footage of The Band, 1970 +playlist
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Thursday, November 28, 2013
2:09 A.M. I am in terrible pain.I am listening to the new Bad religion album.I guess it really better if I just let Cindy sleep and I know now that even not agreeing with her can cause catastrophic series of shitty behavior.It has also come to light that she doesn't fell appeciated I have gotten an ass chewing and told i was a martyr and I don't knoif this bodes whats in store for december I do not think i can handle it because she has gotten unreasonable at times and then gets upset at my reactions which I am not aware of .I am a little nervous.I know she is capable of violence and I can tell she is resentful of the fact that I stil have
Thanksgiving and I am in nots she knows what i am going to do an sighs goes to bed leaving me with the echoes of hw nothing hs changed and my family should do more to include her of make her feel that way.I am so confused that I begin to cry I think she is having a mood swing of some sort and it scares me.She can be so callus and since she thinks I am not smart and feeling like a stranger from a strange land.At least she is laughing and talking I can't handle too much heavy conversation and debating I just want things to get better but I don't know what to do.She has to meet me part of the way I feel like she takes a stance like Lori cause she sure seems to resent my family and nothing has been right for days and it is all evidently my fault I think she really is having problems and I don't know if I am strong enough for this kind of thing I refuse to take all the blame either.I know not what tommorrow.
Thanksgiving night 6:18 I've had a good day listening to Dinosaur Jr in memory of Wendy Lawson right this moment.Memories flood back in droves I miss her a lot Peace be with you angel.
I am thankful I am out of the hospital but I am scared for my friend Scrappy he is in ICU heart problems he used to do lots of cocaine and its hurt him and honestly it scares me too.It also makes me sad because we becams such close friends,I need to send him a card and see him when I go home.Friends like that are few and far between and so should be cherished.I do know that.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
11:00 closes in quietly if not stoically .I am hurting tremendousy and I know Syd is still upset at me .I am frustrated as hell and don't know what to do with it. I have nothing to say that doesn't seem to make things worse and she csll me passive aggresive.I am torn up and she comes off about how she would she I dunno we just seem to keep moving from crisis to crisis.Nothing seems to be good enough and I don't understand it does she think those comments don't cut and cause more problems or embarassing me in public that burns.If I bring it up I will be wrong from jump.
At least I got some good practice in today.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Waiting on Max 11:15 A.M.
I stare into the 11:30 sun this is a cursed time of day for me with the heat and breathing problems.I can feel the sweat starting to pool and itch Dinosaur Jr. plays in the background reminding me of Wendy Lawson. She has been on my mind a lot lately.I still miss her and still love her .I just wish I could of made stuff ok between us.Such is life and dangers of the heart.I would change nothing except some of my behaviors and let her go when I knew it was time and I simply didn't want to be alone.I should have manned up and we probably would have managed to stay friends.Wendy Lawson you always have a place in my heart. See all this waiting on the A.C. is making me crazy and dwell to far back in the past . I hope all is well with Madelyn.I am talking to her butt tonight sometime.I miss the little shit her absence is felt painfully each day like a cruel measurement taken in testament to my poor skills as a father.
10:59 waiting on max
I spoke with Max yesterday and Syd left a message the day before I now know he got.It is getting quite warm in here and makes breathing harder.I guess I am also dreading the bitching that will ensue if they do not come.
I do not feel like hearing bullshit I almost could play guitar.
The muse is around...
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